Friday, March 20, 2009

50 Reasons

Blatantly stolen from the brilliantly-titled Bookgasm,

50 Reasons No One Wants to Publish Your First Book

(click the 50 Reasons to go straight to the post-- the bookgasm link takes you to their latest entertainment!)

A few of my personal favorites:

#46. Historically, books written solely to settle a bar bet seldom make it to print, especially if they were written during a seven-and-a-half-hour period in the same bar where the bet was made.

#43. Writing a 97,236-word thesis arguing the inherent superiority of Wolverine over Batman is intrinsically flawed since no intelligent person could ever take it seriously. I mean, c’mon, Batman would kick that midget Canuck’s ass every single time!

#25. A young-adult novel set in the behind-the-scenes world of network reality television featuring over two dozen characters, graphic underage sex and dead prostitutes? Are you fucking kidding me? No, seriously, are you fucking kidding me?

(that one made the whiskey fly out my nose!)


6. The world isn’t quite ready for an illustrated children’s book called SOME MOMMIES ARE INTERNET PORNSTARS

How bout y'all? What's your favorite???


Lisa said...

Oh wow. They're all pretty funny, but even though this was kind of mean, this is the one I almost spit my water out over:

27. You know the talented creative writing professor who told you your work showed so much creativity and promise? Turns out what he really meant was that he wanted you to blow him.

Sidney said...

LOL to all. :-)

Steve Malley said...

Lisa, that was another of my favorites! :D

Sidney, glad you liked 'em!!

Charles Gramlich said...

Egads but some of these are South Park gross.

LoveRundle said...

If I had been drinking whiskey, it would have been flying out of my nose too. That was pretty funny. I wasn't so sure about getting this book, but now I think I might have too. It has some pretty interesting ideas.

Lana Gramlich said...

Unfortunately I've come along so late (I've just been too busy,) that it seems the 50 reasons post is gone. I appreciate the ones you've shared, though. :)

Steve Malley said...

Charles, some are indeed South Park gross... Surely you don't think that's a *bad* thing??

Christina, there's a book?!

Lana, the link worked for me. I'm sad you missed it!

cs harris said...

One could have a lot of fun with this concept!

Shauna Roberts said...

I wonder how many of these are based on actual queries to agents and editors. My favorite was "37. You may want to revise the query letter you’re sending to agents so it’s more about the book and less about how much you love kittens."

Barbara Martin said...

I found the link further down in the archives for March 17th, and most were funny, some not.

AvDB said...

"You know the part where the protagonist stuffs those puppies into the wood chipper? It’s not quite as funny as you seem to think."

The only one that made me laugh out loud. What does that say about me?

Miladysa said...

I think I have to go along with Lisa and say 27.

ANNA-LYS said...

My favo?
You of course -p

ANNA-LYS said...

But, where are You???
Is everything ok?

<3 <3 <3

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